Thursday 14 February 2013

Jude Egbas: How To Say “I Love You” In 5 Different ways


How To Say “I Love You” In 5 Different Ways


Lovey
1. Define Your Relationship:
I remember my first teenage love affair like it was only yesterday.
Lady ‘P’ was a dark (almost sun-tanned) complexioned young woman who had joined my class from a neighboring school, and immediately had the boys drooling.
She was the most beautiful girl on campus at the time and immediately took to me as soon as she settled down to class work. Ideally, I felt honored and walked around campus with a spring in my steps. Dating Lady ‘P’ earned me enormous bragging rights around school.
She had strategically set up her classroom locker right behind mine for exam and Continuous Assessment purposes. So in the middle of Tests, I will slip Answers to ‘my love’ in bit sized crumpled sheets in the guise of lending a Ruler, Pencil or some other writing aid.
Oh, the things we did for love!
“Have you asked her out yet?”, my friends would enquire innocuously during 5-A-side football games.
“No, but I am certain she loves me”, I would say with a chip on my shoulders and a boyish conviction. Of course I didn’t possess the balls to ask Lady ‘P’ or any other girl out at that stage of my life.
Lady ‘P’ and I became an item. Long before text messages and Emails interrupted the world of romance, we will scribble love letters to each other through a trusted emissary during extracurricular activities. You remember the “If so, doxology” lines, don’t you? We didn’t inventthose lines—we patented them.
One cool evening, I spotted Lady ‘P’ in the arms of another dude at the village square. Of course I was livid. I couldn’t sleep a wink that night. I confronted her at school during break time the next day:
“Who was that guy I saw you with yesterday”?, I thundered, pointing an index finger her way like the little idiot that I was; my lips quivering at every word.
“He is my friend, Jude. Am I not allowed to have friends anymore?”, she retorted blithely.
“Errrr….” my words had deserted me and I was suddenly a bag of nerves before my crush. My Mama would have been ashamed of me.
“But what is this grouse all about? It is not like you and I were evendating in the first place….”
She delivered the words like I wasn’t even standing there, before storming out of our love spot in a rage. She never came back.
It was my first real heartbreak. What had become of Lady ‘P’? What went wrong?
We didn’t quite define our relationship from the outset and wanted different things. While I craved for some love, Lady ‘P’ wanted a ‘Class work’ and an ‘Assistant’ boyfriend. We were singing from different song sheets.
Relationships work better when both parties define what they really want from the off. Not defining the terms of the relationship while presuming that the other party will get the vibes somehow as you progress; could be a recipe for disaster.
2. Be Creative:
Relationships that go through the same routines all year round are not only a bore; they could be a pointer to the fact that both partners have problems with locating their cerebral faculties outside the box– not a good sign by any stretch of the imagination.
I must admit that guys can be a tad boring. You have been dining at the same eatery for two years? You need a cranium check, dude! Besides, there are a thousand and one other ways you could show a woman how much you love her apart from having Ice cream at Mr Price at weekends since the outlet opened shop in Surulere five years ago!
The trick is to alter your romantic schedules and themes to make you look less conservative and spontaneous. Make your dates a lot more fun by spicing them up with crazy ideas now and again. Someone once defined insanity as doing the same things all the time and expecting different results. Women naturally love some surprises—the va-va-voom kind of thing. And if you remain so predictable, she could end up with another guy who possesses that ‘wow’ factor by the truckload. And don’t you blame her!
3. Show Some Concern:
Guys love to know that the one woman they are lavishing all their time, money and attention on, cares just as well. It is just the logical thing to do. He caters to your phone needs and you have to ‘flash’ him to say ‘thank you’? Oh, well, you are most welcome, then! The next time you call him is probably when you are running out of airtime and you are like: “Hello, I don’t have that much credit, but can you call me back…..bleh bleh…”?
Sometimes, all a lady needs is some attention—call her at lunchtime, before she goes to bed and send her text messages even in the middle of a boardroom meeting. But shouldn’t the lady return the favour occasionally? A guy tells you he had a bad day at the office and all you could muster was, “darling, I am a bit broke, can you send me….”
The biggest factors underpinning healthy relationships are the doses of care and concern connecting both hearts like an invisible thread. Yank them off, and both partners may as well consider an amicable parting of ways.
4. Indulge Your Partner:
Now this doesn’t suggest you should allow your partner roll in pools of alcohol if he/she finds the darn green bottle a lot more appealing than a romantic candle lit dinner. But does he love watching football? Okay, I can understand that the round leather game gives you the creeps, but why don’t you pretend you can share in his passion once in a while?
Men should also care about their partners’ favorite pastimes—the soaps she loves to watch, the novels she loves to read and what makes her prefer Spa ‘A’ to Spa ‘B’. And how about sitting through her favorite movie with her while engaging the characters as much as she does? How about work out sessions with your soul mate? A woman loves a guy with some imagination. And it makes you appear less of an egomaniac if you have a chit-chat with her regarding some of the supposed ‘trivia’ that ironically means the world to her.
5. Be Helpful And Communicate :

Communication is a sine-qua-non in marriages, courtships and even in flings. You can’t be so taciturn and all wrapped up and expect your partner to put up with the fact that you were ‘born that way’. I am in no way suggesting that you should be garrulous and verbose, however. Make your conversations witty, humorous and intelligent. Prove you are smart with every line.
For married couples yet to employ domestic staff; there is no rule anywhere that suggests that a man is barred from helping in the kitchen or with domestic work, pending when the kids are old enough to tend the home. You get back home from work before she does and can’t even fix yourself a cup of hot chocolate because you are an African alpha male with a super sized ego? Now, that’s uncouth and you deserve my whip!
You really do love and care for her? Go ahead and say it. And it shouldn’t matter how many times you say the ‘L’ word as long as you mean them. You fancy her coiffure hair? Go ahead and tell her how much her new hairdo makes her look like she just stepped out of a Vogue Magazine Cover. Her Top makes her appear sexier than the oversized pant suit she wore yesterday? Be a gentleman and compliment her at every turn. Her bum short accentuates her figure? Don’t just gawk, blurt it out. She loves to hear what you think; seeing as she is no mind reader!
He can’t seem to tuck in his shirt properly? Why don’t you let him get wind of that fact before he steps out of the home looking like Mr Ibu? Words, when properly delivered, could be the difference maker between a happy affair and a lugubrious relationship. Carefully crafted words could serve as the ice breaker most of the time—the perfect sinew for two hearts that should ideally beat as one.
The writer, @egbas, mends broken hearts on Twitter

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